I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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