shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
