i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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