Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
