dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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