Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
