I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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