Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
the raccoons are back...
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