I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
