Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
