facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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