just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize