I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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