Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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