I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
