Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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