you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
