I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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