Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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