So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
