there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
