This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
