As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
