I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
