She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We left an ass print on the piano.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
