So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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