Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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