Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
