If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize