weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
