and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
