You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
