I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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