i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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