I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
