i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
