Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We smell like vodka and hangover
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