Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
