Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
