I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
sex in a hospital.. check
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
