She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
