She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
