Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
