.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
