ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
