I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
