dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
