It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
