its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
