gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
