just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
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