Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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