I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
