he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
