If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize