the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have fence marks all over my body
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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