Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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