So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
