i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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