is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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