I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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