I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
