If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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