My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
