you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
