i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
