she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
