All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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