Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
