these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so let's talk penis.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
