you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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