Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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